Hey, Girl Scouts . . .

. . . why the f are you selling cookies in early January when everyone is trying to lose 40 pounds? Where were you in December when I was short on gift ideas, and craving cookies pretty much around the clock? Are you trying to raise money, or are you trying to piss everyone off?

According to your Web site, your mission is to "build character and skills for success in the real world." Well here's Lesson 1. Accomplish this, and get your Common Sense badge:

Sell cookies during the Christmas season when some people are actually on "all cookie" diets.

Sell pedometers, yoga mats and exercise balls after New Year's to help people burn off the f-ing cookies.

Jeez, do I have to think of everything around here?

Oh, and you can't have cookies without . . .

I think there will have to be 3 Emmys given this year for Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy Series. Good lord, Salma, and thanks again, Ms. Fey. You continue to give me everything I could possibly want in video entertainment.