Alright, here's something that has always mildly bothered me. The fact that it only mildly bothers me moderately bothers me. The fact that it doesn't bother most people in the least extremely bothers me.
If a picture tells a thousand words, then the picture above plus my introductory thirty-four words ought to tell the entire story. "Johnny, you're just being lazy," you say? What else is fucking new? Nicholas Fehn could write this post by just holding up the logo and saying, "What?!"
Anyhoo, in case you haven't figured out the itch that bothers me, it is this: How the fuck, in 2008, in the year in which even T. Boone Pickens went green, can Sherwin-Williams continue to get away with its "Cover the Earth" logo?
"COVER THE EARTH!" I exclaim every time I drive by my local Sherwin-Williams paint store. "COVER THE EARTH!" I growl in Jame Gumb's "Put the fucking lotion in the basket!" tone. "COVER THE EARTH!" I say while I hunch my shoulders and twist my hands around an imaginary grapefruit.
Cover the earth in red Sherwin-Williams paint. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it would be an environmental catastrophe. "So it offends you as an environmentalist?" you ask?
"No, it offends me as a wannabe advertising professional." (Thanks again, Seinfeld.)
Go here now.
Now that is pretty f-ing hilarious. "Green Initiatives." They forgot bullet point number 7:
• We've always been jealous of Mars hogging the "red planet" nickname, and, despite all this eco-friendly, P.R. bullshit, we actually hate the color green . . . but this won't matter to you, loyal customer, because you've overlooked our logo for the past 120 years. Now call in the dog and wrap Grandma up in masking tape, 'cuz it's EARTH COVERIN' TIME, BITCHES! (Demonic Laughter)
Of course, I also can't let the bottom of the page slide:
"Sherwin-Williams Logo
Our historical logo is one of the most recognized company logos in existence. Created in the late 1800s, the logo's purpose was to represent the company's desire to help beautify and protect the buildings of the world. It was a symbol of a young company's enthusiasm, idealism and hope regarding its future and the possibility for achievement that hovered on the nation's horizon.
Very quickly, our 'Cover the Earth' logo became a figurative emblem signifying quality, integrity and service — the very same things it stands for today."
Coating the Earth's crust in red exterior gloss latex signifies quality, integrity and service? What signifies professionalism, reliability and honesty? Roller fucking? (Thanks again, Carlin.)
"Very quickly, 'Roller fucking' became a figurative phrase signifying professionalism, reliability and honesty — the very same things it stands for today."
Here's another question. How did Sherwin-Williams survive the Red Scare of 1917? If you're looking for a pro-communist logo (not that there's anything wrong with that), look no further.
Oh, yeah, "Sherman Bill" was first coined in the summer of 1997, when I led a painting crew. Some dude referred to the local Sherwin-Williams paint store as "Sherman Bill's." I don't remember if it was a joke, or a horrible mistake, but I loved it, so I've referred to any local Sherwin-Williams paint store as "Sherman Bill's" ever since.
That was also the summer which included the low point of buying speakers out of the back of a van in a random parking lot, and the high point of striking a soup can with a ball of aluminum foil from a seated position at the range of 30 feet on the first attempt in front of my entire painting crew.
I'm a simple man.
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